Magic mirrors

This many years along, (8?, 10?) I have made a number of magic mirrors. My first one I took an empty picture frame and spray painted the glass flat black. With cleansing and consecration, it was sufficient. I have used new mirrors and old ones. I have come to prefer antique mirrors. I often don't cleanse them at first to see what is in them. This could be a bad thing for someone with inadequate protections, so I don't recommend it, but it is interesting for the hardy of spirit.
Honestly the mirror makes a lot less difference than the user. An inexperienced user can have a great mirror and get poor results. I have learned not to do work in the mirror for people, opting instead to teach them how to do their own. For beginners I suggest to put a nonagram on the back of the mirror, and one on a cloth on the front, and keep it closed at all times not in use. This keeps unwanted things from finding their way in and out of it. My working mirror is that way now.
The trance practice is the most important part. I set up in a dark room, light two candles that light the mirror, but not me, and focus. It takes more or less time to reach the place where my image fades, and I start seeing what is in the mirror. Depending on why I am there, I may be doing this in the trance phase of a ceremony, or other times when I have a question. I have several regular spirits I meet there, and if I have gone in ceremony, I often meet someone totally unexpected.
It is important to remember, if you have used protections, whoever shows up is there because you asked them to. One time I made requests and started trance, and this green snake woman, with snake hair showed up. Honestly, I have no clue why these creatures choose to look like this, but it is their way. I knew this stuff happens, so it did not take long to regain my composure and begin the conversation. She seemed amused.
Bear in mind, if you use a strange mirror, uncleansed, without protections, that these things are doorways, and they can let some really evil stuff in. Know to open and close them, and to seal them with nonagrams to prevent surprises. It does not seem to take a lot, but in my working space, with my usual protections, I have never had a bad experience.
I have heard friends that will not allow a working mirror in their houses after bad experiences. Some have seen things they still whisper about, and some have had to have things cleansed from their houses. This is not a toy. This is a doorway, and improperly used it opens the way to things unbidden. It is the spiritual equivalent of leaving your door open in the bad part of town, you could get lucky, but do you want to count on it?
Blessings

Nutrition for apnea

The reason naturopaths are so reluctant to give values is that the individual response varies so much, and the reasons why are more important than how much. Last year my sleep issues came to a head, getting so severe that it was outright dangerous to drive. As I was getting disabled enough to get on a pittance for a pension and stop working, it became less of an issue, but still needed fixed.
The symptom track, something doctors are too ignorant to understand, became obvious as I studied the issues. I was having violent headaches, acid reflux, outrageous leg cramps, degenerative bone issues, and calcified organs, not to mention increasingly severe sleep apnea. I will address the bone disease and calcified organs another time, but it was connected by common nutritional deficiencies.
It works out that these things were all connected by deficiencies of micronutrients and vitamin D3. The micronutrients are required to maintain chemical balance in everything from tissues to brain chemistry. It worked out that the Lisinopril they prescribed for blood pressure made this a lot worse. The fool doctor told me those were not side effects of the medicine, not because it was so, being these are well documented side effects, but because she was uninformed. The sloppy, half-assedness with which these people practice is severely annoying, and can be dangerous.
The micronutrients, which I get from Himalayan salt, include magnesium, copper, (sodium), potassium, and calcium. The magnesium and calcium I also heavily supported by dietary support from nuts and seeds, molasses, and such foods as turnip and collard greens. With hypertension, it is important to use such things as Himalayan salt with caution, because it is easy to get too much.
The vitamin D3 I got from a naturopath, who described what I was looking for in theraputic results. It is important to understand that there is such a thing as too much, and this can do as much harm as good. The headaches, cramps, and mostly acid reflux resolved at 12,000 units a day. She recommended a theraputic injection of 30,000 units to start, but of course I could not get this from my doctor. The apnea reduced, but was still active until I started getting 20,000 units a day. As it is likely that this amount is likely to be harmful in the long term, I will be looking to reduce the dose likely a month from now and see if the apnea returns.
There are tests for this, but it requires a doctor that is some help, not one that is only interested in getting paid to prescribe. It is important to get proportional amounts of other things. I am using 6,000 units of vitamin C. I am still working on the dose, but it causes yellow, itchy diarhea in excess, and it is a good thing to stay below that. The B50 program works well to balance, and I am taking additional B12. I am also using a magnesium carbonate supplement. This is not in common use because it is such an efficient laxative. I have found that 1/2 tablespoon, with 1/4 cup of kimchi is a maximuim, but this is very individual.
It works out that protein is a conundrum. Enough to be satisfying is also enough to flush nutrients through the kidneys. It is important to understand that as much as possible, protein should come from plant sources. There is no nutritional reason to eat meat, and meat comes with toxic fats that cause heart disease. On the other side of the problem, all nuts and seeds in the US are required to be pasteurized, which destroys the ability to sprout them. (sprouting being the best way to neutralize phytates) The problem with this is that nuts and seeds come with phytates, and a satisfying amount can cause degenerative bone diseases and nutrient deficiencies with the phytates sucking the life out of the blood.
Mitigating phytates can be tricky. I found out last year from experience that soaking them overnight in lemon water was not enough. With beans, they come covered in a sugar that is honestly a bad deal. Soaking them a few hours, ( like 4)  and dumping off the water gets rid of that, then soaking them overnight in vinegar water will remove about 30% or so of the phytates. With nuts and seeds, I just soak them overnight in vinegar. Now we have a problem. That much vinegar is likely to also remove nutrients. I make about a pint of nuts a day, soak them in water with a tablespoon of vinegar, then reduce the acid with a teaspoon of choline bitartrate. I tried baking soda, but it binds sodium to the food in unacceptable quantities. It takes a little more than an hour to neutralize the acid this way.
After neutralizing the acid the following day, I mix in some kimchi for the probiotics. It will not work in vinegar, so neutralizing it between is important. I use the bitartrate because it is the strongest organic base I could find, and as poorly as it converts to choline, it is unlikely to get an excess. I let the kimchi process the nuts overnight. BTW, I use a nut chopper to reduce the size of the nuts so that the agents can penetrate enough. After one more night, I neutralize the lactic acid the kimchi makes with another teaspoon of choline bitartrate, add two teaspoons of molasses, and eat it. This gives a lot of protein, and organic magnesium and trace minerals. I tired two nights of processing with the probiotics, but it produces unbelievably bad odors. The water included in this process contains nutrients, and needs to be consumed as well.
I am certain there are still too much phytates, but the excess vitamins C and D3 are capable of dealing with it at this point. I am still eating an average of one meal a day with some meat proteins in it. I am still working on how I am going to reduce enough phytates to get all the protein from plants.
My diet is entirely driven to nutriate illness into wellness, but the chemistry takes a lot of research and thought. I understand that people just want to eat everything that is wrong, then take a pill to make it better, but that will never work. It is important to understand that the amounts of nutrients are very individual, and personal values need to be determined according to what result you want, and how much it takes to get that.
Blessings

Why veterans die on park benches

I doubt anyone takes the trouble to find out how many died in the cold winter this year. It is less likely here where winters are usually milder, but this one was exceptional. The veterans often have ID and are identifiable, not that anyone checks. The bodies show up at various county morgues as they thaw.
It is what leads up to it that is better hidden. When a veteran is identified as 'homeless' he is put in the 'homeless veteran program.' Sounds impressive, like someone is doing something. In this program many of them get a 'non-service connected pension, just over $1000 a month. So far, so good. Then the 'social workers' 'place' them. This means they are lied to about a motel room that is '$800 a month.' Ok, really it is $200 a week. Still thinking? Every second or third month they have to pay a fifth time, or the whole money they get. The 'social workers' tell them a lot of guys are making that work, then tell them they have not managed their money right. What were they supposed to eat? It is across the river. How are they supposed to manage the bus ride and still have food, much less most months, but on the $1000 months?
After ending up on the street again they get told they have mismanaged their money and get into a different program. This time it is an apartment for $675 a month, with utilities in the summer of about another $100. Not quite $800, but a guarantee they can not have a phone, a monthly bus pass, and still have anything to eat. They are told they can get food stamps. Ya, all $15 worth of food stamps. Like that changes the problem.
When I was in the program I was counseled that I had abused the program because I paid my insurance and child support and had not saved what they thought was enough money. So the program is to put the veteran in a place he can not afford, with a pile of bills waiting to fall on him, and tell him he is not managing his money effectively.
Like me, most of them drop out after a while and just do without. I will not tell you which garage, but living in a garage it about works.
This is bad enough, but what happens under the "health care" is a lot worse. I have medical evidence I have been misdiagnosed, and as is customary, they stopped one view short of enough to properly diagnose my problem. I learned from other veterans that the only way I will get past this is to get outside diagnostics and a letter from my senator. Evidently. I have gone as far up the administrative chain as I know how, and people have just shuffled some paperwork and laughed. I have been refused diagnosis on serious things like heart disease, as they refused to so much as test, and had them perform the steps they did do, wrong to prevent further effort. I have found doctors that refuse to use existing diagnostics they have done to diagnose properly, and refuse further effort.
If I did not have internet access this article could not have happened. Those living behind dumpsters and in the woods behind parks just give up and stop. Eventually they freeze or otherwise die.
I have made my best effort to stop young men from serving, trying to explain to them that this is how they get treated when they come home. When I got out I was told I didn't learn anything serving that anyone could use, and I could flip burgers for minimum wage. The "educational resources" were engineered to create debts I would never be able to repay. I ended up doing construction until I got too crippled to be able to do the work any more, and when I finally went to veterans 'services' I found out what a joke that is.
They will tell you they are trying, bringing up programs like Cedarwood. What they don't tell you is that program was full with a year waiting list when it opened. It was never intended to meet more than 5% of the need. They will tell you they "place" most of their veterans within two months. What they don't tell you is that most of them crash financially within a couple of months, and get abused for failing in programs that are certain to fail. They park veterans more than 50 miles from their medical help, and leave them to walk to get help.
I would not wish this on the enemies I fought. I am a bit confused at why a government asks us to serve, then throws us away like yesterday's trash when we return. I have said a country that treats it's warriors like this does not deserve freedom.
One parting shot. Our senators and congressmen like to roar in front of the news, but in session, they regularly defund veterans programs, and deny more than 90% of requests for veterans funding. I really don't need to hear more lies from people that never put their money where their mouth is.

Cartoons and Children

Cartoons and children.
A friend introduced me to her 3 year old granddaughter. This baby is going to be an awesome witch. She came to me one night just being sweet, and showed me what she got out of Frozen. She stomped the floor in the center and made the snow flake. I helped her to find her staff of power and make the three circles, to our beautiful sister the Maiden, our nurturing Mother, and to our wise Grandmother. She knew, but she needed help putting names to things. Then we set the watchtowers to the six spirits. I helped her to find the portals to the gifts/ abilities she could get from each one. I was awestruck to tears with the beauty of Goddess and the spirits. We spent some time in there before we took down the towers and thanked the spirits, and took up the circles.
Disney has a way of quietly illustrating everything we need to know, then giving us an excuse to miss the point. Like everything else occult, you see it if you are meant to see, and miss it if you are not. As she grows, this baby does not come by so much, but she is already well skilled and growing powerfully. Like me, she sees magic and wonder in everything.
Blessings, and please, do yourself the favor of learning to see the awesome world our beautiful Goddess lays out before us.

Center Column alignment.

A quick note: Being dyslexic, and my own editor, on a notepad with auto-incorrect, can both cause interesting problems, and I may not catch them all. I appreciate your patience with my struggles.

I suppose I should write this down in case I don't return. This is the culmination of several years of study. Along the way several people have been very kind, if sometimes not the exact help I needed to get here. Likely I usually asked the wrong question. Out of the usual respect for the privacy of esoteric people I will not name them.

One lady is noteworthy though. She offered me a course she would usually have charged a lot of money for, free. While I learned a lot that has been useful, and she laid a lot of groundwork, her material did not make it into the method. She taught me a lot about getting into the alpha state,  and had a most interesting process for using labyrinths to cleanse, clear, and open chakras. This is particularly noteworthy because it would work for some people, just did not for me. I had larger problems to solve. My method is far from the only way, just the way that works ( I hope ) for me. I am doing this because it could happen they find my body and I am gone.

This is about opening all the chakras from the earth star, up the center column, to the soul star. If I see the way, I will leave without looking back. Each chakra requires to be open and clear, and aligned properly to the center column. I have found that the Vedic method of chanting 108 repetitions of each mantra is required to properly resonate each chakra and connect to the center column. This may not be exactly required for everybody, but it is necessary to have the chakras aligned and connected to the center column to work.

I notice that the earth star is not mentioned in the places I found it before, so I will discuss it. The earth star is a chakra outside the body that connects our energy to the earth. This sounds simple, but many people are damaged here. This causes clearing and grounding to be quite difficult. This is not directly connected to the center column, but likely will prevent this particular energy flow unless it is working right. There are non-deity mantram for most of the chakras, but this one I could not find any other way. The mantra: Om Shri Gaia Ma, Purnatva Gaia Ma, repeated 108 times daily will cleanse and open this for this purpose. My Hindu friends would shudder at the thought, but it is not necessary to get the words perfectly. It shows respect to the Deities involved to try to speak it right, but they hear from the heart, so exact pronunciation is more a matter of respect than being heard. It is entirely important to stay focused on energizing the chakra while doing the mantra. When it is right, it feels like something under you is tickling your underside. You really don't know it is completely right until you feel the energy flowing into and out of the next chakra.

This makes 9 chakras I will discuss. You may be familiar with 7 chakras. You may have heard of the 8th chakra, or soul star. I wasted a lot of time messing with sites promising to align chakras and prepare the soul star, only to get to key places and want an assinine amount of money to finish. Have better sense than to pay very much  for anything esoteric. The only person I have seen myself that wanted that much money that was for real was the woman I mentioned earlier. I have found numerous fakes. In this work, it is fair for the person teaching to expect to be compensated for their time, but online, most of them are in it for the money,  and rarely have the skills they profess.

This is expressive of my attitude in dealing with people online. I have not yet charged for anything other than readings. I refuse to do spells for anyone. I have been known to teach people how to get what they want for themselves, but not do it for them. I have had some that are unwilling to put the time and focus to get their result call me fake for refusing to do it for them. Their loss.

I hear lots of opinions on how this 'must' be done. I have worked with this several ways, and like pretty much everything else in esoteric work, it seems mostly to be about focus and intention. It is important to understand that ultimately, Deity is within us. This does not mean we have any 'right' to demand our way, nor to bend the universe necessarily to our will. I have done workings a lot of ways, bit I have found everything that is not for the greater good to be difficult. This requires purity of spirit most people seem incapable of.

Root chakra: This chakra is located right in your sex. It has three resonances, one forward, one rear, and one straight down. It is the straight down part that connects to earth energy. For me, the Deity connected way works best. This is not necessarily for everyone. Also, being male, my lowest chakras were done through Gods. To do this working I suggest trying different methods and seeing what works best. The neutral, or not necessarily deistic (don't get me started) mantra is: Om Lam Par Tatvaay Vam Sham Sham Om Phat. I have used a simple form of this, but I find that it is more about taking the time to properly resonate the chakra. You know the joke: Meditate one hour a day, and for those that don't have time, two hours. The Deity related mantra I used: Om Gam Ganapatayay Namaha. This gives respect to Lord Ganesha, who has been very kind to me, and worked nicely to resonate this chakra for me. The feminine mantra is: Om Saravanabhavaya Namah. Not being a woman, I can't vouch for this, but Shasti is one of several Vedic Goddesses related to childbirth and seemed most appropriate in the studies I did. It is likely appropriate to open a female chakra differently from a male chakra. Again, what works best is most right. It took about a week to open the Earth star and get consistent energy flow. It took a couple of days to open the root right, but several days to get the energy to flow right. Once open, push energy first down into the Earth star, then let it reflect back up, first into the chakra, then try to feel it run up your back. That column runs roughly along the spine, and can feel more like a pencil or string, or more like a large tube. You may feel it tickling your forehead or the top of your head, or may only feel it a little way up your back. Step by step feeling the Earth star tickling your lower energies, and the root tickling your center column are the first steps.

Sacral chakra: This chakra is located between the root, and the belly button. For a man, it roughly coincides with the prostate, and a woman, the womb. Again it leads to the obvious thought that they will work differently, but not necessarily so. It is still best to try and see what works. The non Deity mantra: Om Vam Vam Swaadhistthaanam Jaagray Jaagray Vam Vam Om Phat. Again, I used a similar form, but got better results another way. The male Deity I got results with was Lord Vishnu. The mantra I used was: Om Vishnave Namah. The Goddess Laxshmi, Vishnu's consort is an obvious choice. Om Hrim Shrim Lakshmi Bhyo Namaha. When I came to this step, and started flowing the energy, my root chakra became sore because I had not resonated the energy properly to the Earth star. It happens, but it is important to recognize the problem and do the corrective effort. I had resonated two more chakras before I got this right. All I did was to spend extra effort making sure I could feel the energy flowing from the root down, and back up into the chakra and column. Again, it is important to feel the energy flowing all the way down, and back up. Some people get away with resonating Om and feel the energy flowing  all the way down and up, others, like me, have to do 108 repetitions for each chakra every day to build the energy to move on to the next step. I have noticed that I can get interrupted enough to lose continuity, and do just a couple of each mantra to get back where I was.

Third chakra: This is known as the solar plexus chakra. That is the nervous center it is most directly connected to. In daily experience you may notice it varying from just above the belly button and the sternum. As I resonated each higher chakra, I noticed a warm energy where the energies of the chakras connect to the center column. The non Deity mantra: Om Ram Jaagrannay Manipuraay Ram Om Phat. Again, for me simpler sort of worked, but I got better results with the Deitistic mantra. This one was Lord Agni. He has also been nice to me, and it is fit to give respect as He helps me. Om Vaisvanaraya Vidmahe, Laleaya Dhimahi, Tanno Agnih Prachodayat. I did not look for any female aspect for this. I have not mentioned elemental associations up to here. For this working the connection is a bit vague, but if you are going to use this for other things, it could be important. Both the Earth star and root chakras associate with earth. The second chakra to water. This chakra to fire. Agni is the Hindu God of fire. This chakra was particularly obvious about getting warm when it was energized. All of them do more or less, but this one more. By now the meditation can be taking nearly an hour. 108 repetitions of several mantram  can take a while. I have tried shorter methods, but it seems to require more effort to build the energy to make the next step. This chakra particularly started to energize the brow and crown to the point of tickling or itching, and I could feel the energy moving from all the way down up the center column, sometimes to the crown.

Heart chakra: Mine was particularly damaged from having had a continuous string of bad relationships from childhood up. If you can relate to this, it is likely you should spend some extra time working through any issues. This chakra damaged causes "cut in half syndrome" What this means is that it is easy to resonate lower energies, or upper ones, but difficult to get them to work together. This comes from energy not passing through this chakra and causing blockage instead of moving with the power it should have. It can make workings outright impossible for lack of the ability to move energy. The non Deistic form: Om Yam Anaahtam Jaagray Jaagray Sfottay Om Shama. Since this was a problem area for me, I never got anywhere, easy or hard until now. This does not mean everything is fixed, just that there is enough progress to get what I want. I used a particular mantra to Kali. This was chosen because it is particularly purgative. Purging damage and bad energy is important if it is there. The mantra: Om Sri Maha Kalikayi Namaha. It has been three weeks I am working on this. I can feel the energy flow, and it warms when activated, but there is still need for improvement. This points out that sometimes it takes a while, and a lot of chanting to get a result. It also shows it is not necessary to be perfect, and there is such a thing as good enough.

Throat chakra: I started out in particularly good shape with this one. It still took several days to get the resonances right. It was taking about an hour and a half at this point. It is also a little harder to feel the resonance here because the voice resonance can mask the chakra resonance. The non Deity mantra: Om Ham Vishuddh Jaagray Jaagray Tatva Beejay Om Phat. I found the feminine approach best here again. The deistic form: Om Shri Sarasvati-ya Namaha. This went expectedly well except it takes a little more focus to resonate all the way down and back up. At this point it was normal to feel like my brow and crown were on fire most of the time, but curiously I had a day where I could not feel anything above it.

Brow chakra: Things change here. The top two chakras connect more directly, yet still activate separately. I could not find a non deistic mantra for this one. This God is androgenous, having both male and female form. This mantra: Om Ksham Ardhanarishvara Om Phat. It is easier here to lose the connection to the lower chakras, thus that much more important to make sure you are resonated all the way down. Once you have resonated the whole center column, resonating Om should be enough, but it doesn't always work. At this point my whole head felt somewhere between fuzzy and on fire. It took 108 of these every day for a week to get a good solid consistent resonance.

Crown chakra: This chakra resonates straight up. This is the top of the center column. The non deistic mantra: Om Hreem Sahastraaaram Jaagray Jaagray Sfottay Udbheday Ayeim Om Phat. As usual, I prayed, this time to Lord Shiva. Om Namaha Shivaya. As of this writing I am still working on getting both connected resonance and energy from the Earth star up. I have worked this whole time on the soul star. This is noteworthy at this moment because as I work here I can feel the pull of the energy up through this chakra, and can feel the restriction of being incomplete here.

Soul star: If you have gotten this far and don't have a Deity in mind, please stop. I shudder to think of taking this step and not having a clue where you want to go. There are those that wait and watch for us, and some of them are very bad, trust me. I have no clue how you would meet the Christian God from here. For a Vedic God I would recommend Brahma. In other workings, I found it well to meet Lord RA from here. My chosen mantra was: Om RA. I have not fully accessed this energy, but it feels like I have a beach ball sized fire resting on my head, especially if I am doing these last three in the rising sun. I can feel the upward pull on my energy, and that it is yet incomplete. I have said and meant it that if I can leave I will not look back.

I have tried to be thorough. I hope you find enough to be useful. The pull today was strong, but blocked. I will overcome the blockages, and don't actually know what will happen. Blessings

Raindrop meditation

      This comes up regularly, so it seems important to share. It is often important to both feel energy flow, and feel yourself in the flow of things. This exercise helps to find this perception.
     Imagine yourself to be a raindrop. You are falling out of the sky. There are others around you. It is a free feeling sliding down the air.
      Eventually you hit a leaf on a tree. You are still a drop, but you also join others and drip off the leaf. Maybe you fall on several leaves on the way to the ground, meeting and separating with other drops.
      As you hit the ground, you are still a drop, but you are joined with a lot of drops, running downhill. Eventually you reach a ditch, joining a lot of drops. As you flow down the ditch, there are drops flowing faster, slower, some in the middle, some on the sides.
      The ditch pours into a stream. Since it is raining, the stream has plenty of water. You are still yourself, and individual drop, but there are thousands like you, all drops flowing down. If you let yourself slide to the bottom, things are slower, and there is gravel to rumble around. If you move to the center things flow faster. There is a rock sticking up and you will flow on one side or the other.
      The stream finds a bigger stream. In this environment, there is a center that flows a bit faster, but being big it does not flow as fast, but more powerfully. You can find whirlpools where you can go backwards, but eventually you turn back to flowing down. You are with millions of drops, all flowing. Every drop is individual, just like you.
     The larger stream flows into a river. The force here is nearly unstoppable. It is slower, but huge. You can still go backwards in a whirlpool, slow down on the bottom or sides, but eventually you will flow along. It is cool to be with so many drops. You can see sights along the way.
      Eventually the river flows into the sea. The flow slows more, but becomes massively more powerful. There are drops more numerous than you would care to count. You meet drops from everywhere. You can still find places to slow down, ride in whirlpools, or flow in the main stream. Here, more than before, you can feel the pull of the moon, causing the tides, pulling the forces of life, pumping the currents.
     You can stay there, or you can accept the energy of the sun, rising back into the sky, rising, floating, moving up, soon to cool into a drop and fall somewhere.....
Blessings.

Mental Illness

          I scratch my head and get quizzical what makes people think they can act the way they do. I am  losing another night's sleep after another altercation with that emotionally violent sociopath I call a land "lady." I have never understood the motivation behind a person that can't  watch a humor show on tv until they have someone hating them enough to plot murder, and too disturbed to sleep or concentrate.
           In this society where good people are viciously punished for being good, and guns are easier to get than mental health care, it actually amazes me there is not more violence. The joke about people are alive because I am unwilling to do the jail time has stopped being funny. I have stopped being in relationships so as to stop having to clean dog piles off the floor and having people treat me like I am lying because they don't want to hear it after they lied to me. I finally got a pension that lacks $200 a month of paying my obligations, and have stopped working for people that work me like a  slave and steal from me. Ya, America. Whatever.
            Then there is the "Christian" thing. I listened to that bunch of urban myth and lies long enough. Now that I know from personal experience that the leader of the church is a lying ass, that the herd of prostitutes he calls "Christian businessmen" will screw anyone for a dollar, and that a "good Christian woman that will make a good Christian wife" is some town good time that everybody was in last week, and she will make the same round next week, there just isn't any sense listening to it. Then there is that "What did you do to make them act that way" thing. Ya, right. They never would have done that, I made them do it. Bullsh**. Now that I know they have all the "human decency" of a  herd of Nazi war criminals, I don't allow them into my life again.
             Then there is that law of attraction crap. I attracted that stuff into my day. Horsesh**. What I am guilty of is being raised sheltered enough to not know what an evil bunch of bastards people really are, until I was too far down to get out of it.
              Each year I practice, I understand more deeply why many of our kind have taken to living in remote places and avoiding "human" contact entirely. The energies people are built out of permanently stain a good soul. I have come to believe that the rule is that people have about all the soul of a plastic sack, and it is their job to drag the rest of us down. I hear that simplistic crap about just not allowing them in my life. Ya, right. Like how do you do that? There are these necessities like having to live somewhere, and eat. Pretty much involves people to do that. I am done with that stuff of my problems are simple and I am too stupid to solve them coming from some ass that has about the soul of a piece of plastic.
               Now that I understand that the "good woman" is an urban myth that people use to keep single men hopeful enough to date, and that "good people" are few enough and far enough between that I could go the rest of my life, and never see any face to face, I understand. These are the seven up people, never had it, never will.
               So why did I come here anyway?
    This morning the same person that did her best to destroy the last bit of cooperation with me decided to give notice, after taking the last of my money, to give termination notice on the lease. She will cry in a month when the money is gone, and wonder why life is so cruel. The Divine Miss M. does a song that seems about right just now, Is That All There Is?
    Monday I start troubleshooting my way through 'social services' to see what happens when I show up with 30 days notice to homelessness, crippled, and broke, and see what they have to say. Laugh riot. I have been making a less than motivated effort at this anyway, and am part way there, so now I get to see just how it works. I know, I am white, it is not for me. Whatever, when it is the last choice you have, it is the one.
    People have been 45 years since I became responsible for myself teaching me they can't be counted on. Now we get to find out. Somebody tell me I am up for a good surprise. Please?